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Apocalypse Bards

by MC Frontalot and Mega Ran



The world is over. Mass-market entertainment is long gone. But these two intrepid bards wander the shattered landscape, rapping about The Before Times and bringing cheer to the hearts of the surviving few.


Those glory days when the world was almost
But not quite destroyed yet

Oh yes, the before times.
I remember the prophets, aloft signs, holding the presage
up in the air that the end’s nigh.
Now we’re headlining piles of smoldering wreckage.
I guess we expected it, life was too good to be true:
plenty of food, selling CDs and iTunes,
performing for humans instead of for mutant survivors.
Most of the wasteland’s certainly stupid and violent.
Not you fine folks, of course,
tastemakers of the post-apocalypse. Poke at the corpse
of a venue, a wandering bard will emerge,
trade you for a battery charge or a laundry deterg,
any potable water you got.
If you’re weighing whether you ought to or not,
consider that the previous encampment demanded
late show added, all standing.
Ran and I earn renown across the trashscape:
Best rappers who can’t remember when they last bathed,
bringing fine rhymes thick with descriptions
of those in the know in the past and their vicious predictions.
Come get some nostalgia here.
At the end of the world, hark back: yesteryears.

Those glory days when the world was almost
But not quite destroyed yet

I remember it well,
The joy of being an indie rapper
Prior to our descent into hell
Back when entertainment held some kinda value
before consumers found they could make it by without you
When we all would hug total strangers, and gather in public
Now I’m crouched under my office desk rapping with puppets
I think back to 2020 when it all began
When the dude with the tiny hands, launched his faulty plan
To get re-elected, till at the moment when we least expected
Kanye West went Phoenix Wright, and he objected
They told him go through the proper channels and he neglected
Then he summoned the murder hornets, so now we infected
It was crazy, he almost beat Biden on write-ins
Then there was this huge flash of lightning
I was working on a track, about to tell the story,
Then the aliens attacked
And it was hella gory
And the only place intact
Was Minneapolis
And this extension level event was the catalyst
We disbanded the cabinet and it was fabulous
Except for the fact that rap music is now... gone?
I guess I laugh to keep from weeping
Or grieving, or binge eating, or skipping on zoom meetings
Now Front and I like travel from the west to the east
Just hoping to make rent telling stories like these.

Those glory days when the world was almost
But not quite destroyed yet


released November 6, 2020
MC Frontalot - vocals
Mega Ran - vocals
Coolzey - music
Fresh Kils - mix
Todd Rittman - master
Juan y Diego - art


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Coolzey Fairfield, Iowa

Golden era hip-hop roots planted in black Iowa dirt are the foundation. Growth tempered by alternative era rock influence. This along with a love for the juxtaposition of the dark, horrific nature of life paired with a slapstick and comedic view of the world allow for a wide, unpredictable arsenal ranging from soul-spilling indie bedroom rock to wise-cracking battle rap and on to radio pop. ... more


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