Get all 38 Coolzey releases available on Bandcamp and save 45%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Coolzey vs PRZM (Reissue), April Fools, Coolzey and the Search for the Hip Hop Hearts Vol 2: I'm the DJ, They're the Rapper, Thank You for Drinking of Me, Feeling Flaccid, You Fucking Suck, Farewell Is Just the Beginning, Hexadecimal Chess Geeks (feat Twill Distilled), and 30 more.
Excludes subscriber-only releases.
1. |
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It goes Boom! Bang! Who rang?
You rang? Ooh, dang
Dip dip dive, invite us, you might find
We'll take your track and kick you off as fast as your wi-fi
Wake up, you're afraid of the dark, you need a
Break, son, take a day in the park, and let us
Break stuff, til we're making it spark, and get an
A+ because we're making good marks
When I'm taking everything I know and burning it down
When my first name is both a verb and a noun
When they're selling magic that I buy with no doubt
When it's real to me, damnit, and I'm crying it out
And even when I know it can't be
I wanna let myself believe the things that I see
I'm marking out
Silly motherfuckers, bunny rabbits are for tricks, kid
Listen, get us on your funny track, we'll fix it
Corny carnies see a couple of marks
But then we come in and these rappers scatter from us like sharks
Only hacks wanna flex blue checks and numbers
Who cars in the winters? Double dare you in the Summers
To some physical challenges that'll take you to hell
Zack Morris on the phone, you ain't Saved by the Bell
There's no Ronson to remix your old Federline hits
You clowns are drowning while I swim in gold medals like Spitz
You're the worst in all the land, small, ashamed with all your envy
I'm the world's strongest man, hall-of-famer, call me Henry
Call me Calaway when parts of your anatomy are taken
I'm the chosen one, the only son of Natalie and Hayden
Animated, I ain't joking, I'm the scariest yet
When your buried, I'm with Harrison and Carrie on the set
I'm marking out
I’m in the bungalow winging it like a buffalo
until I’m a spitting image incredible like I’m Ruffalo
I’m sitting comfortable down below with the Huxtables
Suited like a professional sickness where the medic go
Bro, I move around the court like a maverick
No Cuban Cigars the shark tank can handle it
Hamill it so you know there wars within the stars
better hit the deck for the joker in the cards
So look no further
I serve beef well done, here’s a wahlburger
So it’s on site like a web server
Cannibalism in the cars. That a Twain murder (get it)
Hit with the bark and I’m ready to spark
Ignite on the charts with some permanent (marks)
Brunel as a start, undertaker to heart
In prime time I’ll have you afraid of the dark
It goes Boom! Bang! Who rang?
You rang? Ooh, dang
Dip dip dive, invite us, you might find
We'll take your track and kick you off as fast as your wi-fi
Wake up, you're afraid of the dark, you need a
Break, son, take a day in the park, and let us
Break stuff, til we're making it spark, and get an
A+ 'cause we're making good marks
When I'm taking everything I know and burning it down
When my first name is both a verb and a noun
When they're selling magic that I buy with no doubt
When it's real to me, damnit, and I'm crying it out
And even when I know it can't be
I wanna let myself believe the things that I see
I'm marking out
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2. |
Boom! (feat Beefy)
02:18
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I'm blowing up, everybody else sucks, lemme get the dynamite into your trunk like BOOM
Hear it's all the rage, but it's dangerous to play, catch me on the space page, kirby krackles go BOOM
Now i'm getting fed, and it's going to my head, gotta leave me left 4 dead, fat one is going BOOM
So I'm coming for the title, got the karens going wild cuz feeling all entitled, grandparents only BOOM
I'm a boomer in the best way, wouldn't leave ya dead or sick so I could own an airplane
Doing numbers like I'm Endgame, without a second thought I'll sell a mask that has my nickname
Cause I'm in it for the cheese see? before I hit the big sleep they'll put me in a deep freeze
So I'm back when it's 3K, with a cyber DJ, performing live for EBay
Until then I'm just a small fish, roaming in an ocean that you wouldn't wanna mess with
But I see you gotta death wish, hit em with a full press, out and feeling helpless
like a storm is a-brewing, they don't know what they choosing, they don't know what they're doing
So I roll in like a surprise, knowing that it's unwise, trusting in my kind eyes
See I'll lead ya to the slaughter, everybody but my daughter if it means I'll be a baller
Another day another dollar, everyday I'm getting hotter like those kids from harry potter
so maybe you should back off, before it bout to kickoff harder than my seahawks,
I'm just in it for the caps, i don't care about these tracks, I don't even like to rap, dude
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3. |
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When the sun comes up
I slither out of my bag
i'll climb up a tree till i'm covered in sap
and i'll hang upside down like a bat
cuz i don't wanna live in your plastic habitat
and when the moon comes up
and the sky goes black
I'll say goodnight to the muskrats,
turtles and ants
and lay my head down on the grass
cuz i don't wanna live in your plastic habitat
I like to feel the breeze through trees
collect firewood and berries
throw away my phone and car keys
then i'll find a stream and talk to the bees
It's been a week since I shaved
Making beats in a cave
by bangin' pots with a branch
Now i'm livin' off the fat of the land
City life is a scam
Out here nothing is bland
When you're livin' like Tarzan
I'm the real landlord
cuz i don't pay rent
I use paracord to tie down my
North Face tent
which i keep zipped up to keep the moths out
I'm a city dropout
Used to mingle with the honeys at the Hofbräu
Now the cute bunnies hop out
From the hilltops with the beavers and ferrets
I don't got much but i'm down to share it
They just wanna munch on my lettuce and carrots
When the sun comes up
I slither out of my bag
i'll climb up a tree till i'm covered in sap
and i'll hang upside down like a bat
cuz i don't wanna live in your plastic habitat
and when the moon comes up
and the sky goes black
I'll say goodnight to the muskrats,
turtles and ants
then lay my head down on the grass
cuz i don't wanna live in your plastic habitat
All the things that I fear disappear
To the creatures of the woods
I'm endeared
A bird lives in my beard
And they don't think it's weird
When I dance in the nude by the fire
Under a full moon
Life gets brighter
My best friend is a squirrel
Named Earl
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4. |
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Those glory days when the world was almost
But not quite destroyed yet
Oh yes, the before times.
I remember the prophets, aloft signs, holding the presage
up in the air that the end’s nigh.
Now we’re headlining piles of smoldering wreckage.
I guess we expected it, life was too good to be true:
plenty of food, selling CDs and iTunes,
performing for humans instead of for mutant survivors.
Most of the wasteland’s certainly stupid and violent.
Not you fine folks, of course,
tastemakers of the post-apocalypse. Poke at the corpse
of a venue, a wandering bard will emerge,
trade you for a battery charge or a laundry deterg,
any potable water you got.
If you’re weighing whether you ought to or not,
consider that the previous encampment demanded
late show added, all standing.
Ran and I earn renown across the trashscape:
Best rappers who can’t remember when they last bathed,
bringing fine rhymes thick with descriptions
of those in the know in the past and their vicious predictions.
Come get some nostalgia here.
At the end of the world, hark back: yesteryears.
Those glory days when the world was almost
But not quite destroyed yet
I remember it well,
The joy of being an indie rapper
Prior to our descent into hell
Back when entertainment held some kinda value
before consumers found they could make it by without you
When we all would hug total strangers, and gather in public
Now I’m crouched under my office desk rapping with puppets
I think back to 2020 when it all began
When the dude with the tiny hands, launched his faulty plan
To get re-elected, till at the moment when we least expected
Kanye West went Phoenix Wright, and he objected
They told him go through the proper channels and he neglected
Then he summoned the murder hornets, so now we infected
It was crazy, he almost beat Biden on write-ins
Then there was this huge flash of lightning
I was working on a track, about to tell the story,
Then the aliens attacked
And it was hella gory
And the only place intact
Was Minneapolis
And this extension level event was the catalyst
We disbanded the cabinet and it was fabulous
Except for the fact that rap music is now... gone?
I guess I laugh to keep from weeping
Or grieving, or binge eating, or skipping on zoom meetings
Now Front and I like travel from the west to the east
Just hoping to make rent telling stories like these.
Those glory days when the world was almost
But not quite destroyed yet
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5. |
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Hot sauce for blood I cannot get enough
When I tip it upside down my mouth starts dripping, yum
Even if it's all I taste you know I’m satisfied
I wanna lick the sun and then I want it magnified
Give me capsicum by the case what are you waiting for
An invitation to be spraying my face with a flame thrower?
I’m a yellow bird in an asbestos shirt
I want my head to burn I want my chest to hurt
I want my neighbors to avoid my house because of the smell
And when they try to ring the doorbell their fingers will melt
I want to shoot out liquid magma when I go to the can
And if that doesn’t sound appealing then you don’t understand
I got hot sauce for blood
I got hot sauce for blood
I got hot sauce for blood
When I feel it start to burn that’s when I turn it up
I got hot sauce for blood
Since I was a toddler I been ogling habanero
Barely keeping it together in my heart like cupid's arrow
In my car I keep an emergency stash of plain tabasco
Just in case I go to somebody's house I don’t have to ask em
Just to get disappointed when they bust out the sriracha
That they been squirrelling in their closet since college
I'm not a snob, I'm particular about hot sauce
And if you gots the rach I can't get my rocks off
You'd think I was goth the way that I'm obsessed with ghosts and reapers
Scorpions I'm over eating, spicy is my whole demeanor
Ulcers are the least of my worries
I'm already pouring quarts of jolokia down my throat in a hurry
My gullet is hurting but it’s the pain that I crave
You choose Cholula we are not the same
I’m super lucid you say I'm insane
It's like there's too much Dave’s gourmet soaked into my brain
So cut me open and watch the sauce pour
Careful cuz it might leave a hole up in your floor
And if you're still skeptical I'll tell you some more
I got hot sauce for blood motherfu...
I got hot sauce for blood
I got hot sauce for blood
I got hot sauce for blood
When I feel it start to burn that’s when I turn it up
I got hot sauce for blood
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6. |
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Shut your fucking mouth
You’re so fucking loud
Shut your fucking mouth
That’s what we’re all about
No you don’t know better
Running off your mouth like you’re oh so clever
Gifted kid center, yeah you’re such a go getter
Tryna make your ego shrink like a dick in cold weather’s
Gonna take more than just four letters
STFU, LTTRE
Listen to the real expert, this seminar’s free
Only charging the fee of your undivided attention
And full closure of your face hole, by extension
Put on a mask you dummies, this isn’t rocket science
It’s health science, we’ve got no time for your noncompliance
Your staunch defiance only gives you the freedom
Of excreting your nasty cheese while we’re breathing in your coronavirus
Shut the fuck up you doctor-denying half-evolved
Raw dogging the air like some chin-strapping neanderthals
Everybody gangsta till someone they know contracts it
And panics like guess it’s not a Democratic hoax after all
Shut your fucking mouth
You’re so fucking loud
Shut your fucking mouth
That’s what we’re all about
Breathe in, breathe out. Except you.
Supposed to be in this together, but there be a chosen few
Who wanna front like they invincible I'll admit they're very bold
Pestilence don't give a fuck if you're young or hella old.
Left to the right, the bodies pile up
Sickness knockin hoes sayin science ain't enough
Keyboard warriors playin like this a joke
If they want a death wish, then I'm down to write the note
The Karens and the Kens, wanna bitch out when you try
To tell em mask on it's like they ain't afraid to die
Call em out online, they always gonna cry
They been framed, and here's a mask and a lousy alibi
Bitch - you're on video - your little dog too
Not the pupper in your purse, but the one who married you
So enjoy your night out and the virus you'll accrue
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7. |
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Nerves jagged off the caffeine
Catalyst to my doom scrolls and bad dreams
Cataclysms vile chatter and vast schemes
Scroll faster my skull packed in with bad things
Cant cleanse it I’m not ascendant I’m in the weeds
Camo-painted, flame fanned by calamity
Pain, panic stampedes my sanity
Slim chance of peace even in my family
It’s all standard can’t stand it there’s nothin new
Need a guru or a suitable substitute
Need a dula for rebirthin love and truth
Plugged in to no sustenance so cut it loose
Must assume no ones know what to do
It’s all corrupted from the cops to Cliff Huxtables, in other news
Kali’s up and been bustin moves
Juggling heads thrustin her tongue at you
While thunder booms
It’s enough to keep ya up and awake
couple a days
Stuck in your place
Tight grip white knuckle it say
I must escape
Makin plans to peep Canada man I’m losing stamina
The simulation’s glitching
Pull the cartridge and blow, blow, blow
The simulation’s glitching
Pull the cartridge and blow, blow, blow
The simulation’s glitching
Pull the cartridge and blow, blow, blow
Look at you on the Internet certain
Spurting views, the crowned king of discernment
Look at you whose seen behind curtains
God’s eye view off that podcast learnin
Never confused Mr. Galaxy Brain
Got the facts for the claims
And a knack for the game
You’d love a challenge but no challengers came
Cuz you are not regular
You are not Bound by common dualities of understanding
An online deity of dialectic
A keyboard colossus orchestrating mass re education
Via roast and rebuttal
Eviscerating dissidents with clown emojis
A young titan wrathfully smashing that laugh react button
Please don’t leave me in ashes with your withering disdain
For I too wish I could own reality with the certainty of an internet cynic
The simulation’s glitching
Pull the cartridge and blow, blow, blow
The simulation’s glitching
Pull the cartridge and blow, blow, blow
The simulation’s glitching
Pull the cartridge and blow, blow, blow
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8. |
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Court cases, sore faces, my sword, cut open smiles to reveal Scorcese’s
Or Score-sese, it’s more Wesley, More dangerous than Jesse, I snipe besties, who wanna test she, Blow like Gilespie, dizzy, you feeling zesty, you don’t impress me, I’m smoother than jet ski’s & cooler than Yeti’s, on rulers with Jet Li, earned a Pulitzer, writing code on computers, my chest reads, S where the X meets…ha, seXy, flesh and hexadecimal chess geeks, Outta your best leagues, capiche, peep the motion picture, I'm a true tease, it’s juicy, my nudies belong in the movies, been getting rupees, your magic coins don’t amuse me, lift a kufi, eat this two piece, with a Smoothie, cinema get ya unruly, sleeping dragon became a sleeping beauty, but don’t confuse me…I got a duty, somebody call Coolzey, I’m clicking heels filled with rubies, I’m signing Boobies, #Boobcore, and I ain’t got no groupies, how tragic, black magic, with Moodie, still a newbie, throw some hail mary’s to Rudy, he was Mikey in Goonies, I be pop, pop, poppins like Julie, Andrews, rocking Patchouli, while the fans view, touchdowns to Lucy, eating Peanuts with Snoopy, in Katmandhu, the tunes is…looney, we aim to enchant you, I paint with a brush stroke, broader than Matthew, I’m on the Ferris Wheel, dueling with Bueller, the few can see the masterpiece, it's time to upgrade your future...
Clap your hands, do the hexidecimal chess geeks dance
Only you...know your plans...
Only you...make demands for you
I stretch the seconds like hours. I relish the scent of my flowers
My hellish descent is a Testament to my Prowess, no embellishment
Your best defense is: your best friend's ex pretends you're fresh. Alright now,
This takes me back like whipping that white towel like, woww
What's the problem constable? I signed a boob once, we were all uncomfortable
Quit stalling, call the nurse! Pride and prejudice, Colin Firth
These days whats a dollar worth? Only monsters ball when the balling hurts
My fall to earth crushed all the nerds. My flawless words make a solid verse
You could call it irksome, first off I'm a problem not a person
Kyle McLachan, Elle MacPherson. Cast a spell and spell the words wrong
Eff it, my effortless effectiveness speaks to you and leads you like the
Bulbasaurs who would see to the wounded Detective Pikachu
They'll say, "He did the best that he could do," when they reminisce and remember me
And I'm a little bit of everything so it's impossible to misgender me!
Just bend the knee, kiss the sigil ring, I'm every little thing
The hexadecimal chess geeks have come to UPGRADE YOUR FUTURE
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9. |
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Man, I got a baby with another on the way, I’m like a fucking Dad, get rad, fat boy do bunny hops, fuck a hypebeast I’m beast the least interest in your lease, cancel yo lame life, buy a Russian wife, goodbye oopsie fucking boopsie, did my zipper touch yo tooshie, not happening, that song we sing ding dong the witch is dead, now doorbells don’t protect your innocence, do girls actually enjoy head, doubtful, kiss the tits instead, stop being so sexist, it’s okay, just don’t vote red, ya dead anyway
So shut the fuck up and don’t listen to me, I’m out here looking at trees, drinking beer, eating nachos screaming I support queers, stop living in fear, motherfucker I just hit a deer, oh dear, don’t cry, dry your eye, grab the rope and pull don’t get the dope, lose hope like officer friendly, remember me, acid tabs a-plenty, we rob ya dibble got that dick trickle, fickle like most these posers who support donny trump, take a dump on your $50 flag made in China, I’m not a whiner just sick of it, ya sheepish little tricks, jump in a well, oh well, I’ll tell the cops you took a dip
As I'm Waving back to you while I'm saying yo bye bye
Beginning of a farewell yelling back aha
Seeing me again while I'm waving yo bye bye
Changing off the top when you see me no tye dye
4x (The farewell song) la da Da Da Da Da
Barf butt smear your campaign awkwardly, that’s gross, take a toast, adios spoon roast, slow wicked, slap your revival, images take on a new world, life is a ghost, we get the most lost in Chicago, sweaty and deadly, welcome to taco jail, I’m surprised I didn’t die and even watched The 'Burbs like 6 times, for real, motherfucker this the grittiest of mass appeal, skip the record we deal dick donuts for 18+, toys are bust, the road is open, warriors in disgust, dust off the lungs, speak in goat, eat tongues, like I do in my sleep, hit the horn on the Jeep, meep meep, in too deep like Dr. Octagon, what the fuck am I on and why is there a horse in my hotel room, witches get the broom, sweep sweep, beep beep, creep
As I'm Waving back to you while I'm saying yo bye bye
Beginning of a farewell yelling back aha
Seeing me again while I'm waving yo bye bye
Changing off the top when you see me no tye dye
4x (The farewell song) la da Da Da Da Da
Inside the mind I can see that I'm sinister lost
Wishin I was back on missions for miniature golf
In a minute I'm taught, my hour glass broken
Laugh jokin' at backstabbers who back strokin'
Lack focus on those who wanna act bogus
Yap over the facts, they cheat on tax quotas
They embarrass ya claim they wanna cherish ya
Always cup the wave making fun of Miss America
Blast off, lost again, alcohol is my excuse I need to want again, lonely sheets I know my only love is, so why pretend, I need to be better to my best friend, another story, we all work things out, when we care, compassionate for everyone even if I don’t like ya hair, now feel the cool air when I walk by you, stop talking bout the breeze as if I drew down a sketch of a pimp, fuck a simp, I’m a wimp, whoop yo ass like trading a whopper for electoral votes, ask Bufus I dare ya, bitches don’t compare bruh, get hugs when you can, always on the can taking cat dumps, feel the lump lump see a doctor, give ‘em the ex, flex and fall asleep, the life of a writer, words and art we breathe, tired and misconceived, sell a helicopter to pay back ya presidential loans, that’s a groan in my bank, a faulty run a pun in reality, you’re fucking fired and we’re fired up again, we really don’t need the political system caught up, youz another victim, says who, we fighting our own brothers and sisters, seems silly and diminishing, so fuck you bigots, help people, life can be happier, dig it
As I'm Waving back to you while I'm saying yo bye bye
Beginning of a farewell yelling back aha
Seeing me again while I'm waving yo bye bye
Changing off the top when you see me no tye dye
4x (The farewell song) la da Da Da Da Da
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Boom! (Instrumental)
02:14
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13. |
Habitat (Instrumental)
03:18
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Coolzey Fairfield, Iowa
Golden era hip-hop roots planted in black Iowa dirt are the foundation. Growth tempered by alternative era rock influence. This along with a love for the juxtaposition of the dark, horrific nature of life paired with a slapstick and comedic view of the world allow for a wide, unpredictable arsenal ranging from soul-spilling indie bedroom rock to wise-cracking battle rap and on to radio pop. ... more
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